pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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