she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
