Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
