I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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