there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
