Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
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