My nipple is on Facebook.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
