JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
