He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
