I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
