If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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