please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
