he thought i was a dude.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
