xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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