I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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