Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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