i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize