Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
