Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
