does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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