If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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