yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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