he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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