Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
They left me at home... I'm a liability
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
