A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
