You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
