I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
