the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
