Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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