I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Randomize
