I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
