I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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