Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
