i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Randomize
