just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
