Jerry, you need to find god
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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