You're so nebulous sometimes
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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