Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
