if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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