Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
