everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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