And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
