you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just pee around me
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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