How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
