Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We need to get me chipped asap
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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