Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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