my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
love makes seman taste better
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize