I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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