I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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