Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize