I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
