Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize