ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
