I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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