My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
