yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
