Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
