I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
