i don't like sucking hair
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
