Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
