well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
