I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
