my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
