well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
