so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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