I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
two words: eviction party
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
