You can't special order awesome
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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