White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
