How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
