I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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