the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
