I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
