someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
40s are totally the cure
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
