his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
