He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
