it wasn't lemon gatorade
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Also, beer. Big fan.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
