I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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