I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
