These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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