I wish I could punch you in the face.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
