Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I need to sanitize my soul.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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