haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
