Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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