you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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