i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
